is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
