so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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