I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
