Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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