You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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