i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My life is pants optional.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
