Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
