I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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