I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
