I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
