She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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