the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
