youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
