piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
