He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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