you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
