sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
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walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
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Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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