I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
