when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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