wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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