You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
