You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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