He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
