I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
