ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
