So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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