I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
