So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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