my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
