If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
