Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
