Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
