I just pynch a tree in the face
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
