I'm really into asian looking animals
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
