where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
