When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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