nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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