Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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