Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
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