I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
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i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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