Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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