Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
