I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
