woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
