I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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