Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
