I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
They took my balls.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
