just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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