JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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