just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
