my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
