You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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