I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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