party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
