At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
