: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
