I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
