Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
