i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
