That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
