Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
MIDGETS
????
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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