so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize