So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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