You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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