You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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