What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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