Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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