just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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