loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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