I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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