we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
