I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
barbara walters just said penis...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
