there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
