Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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