they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
