But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
