I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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