I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
